My bipolar symptoms

I wanted to commend Private Practice for addressing Bipolar Mood Disorder.  I have never had the experience that Sam's sister had, but I have experienced much of the same symptoms.  I have been extremely depressed to the point of wanting to either hurt myself, or worse, even kill myself,  just to stop the pain.  At such times, I could barely get enough energy together to get out of bed.  I either didn't want to eat, or I would eat until I would throw up.  I would cry for hours. 

Then one day I would become incredibly impulsive, and have an excess amount of energy.  I would shop and didn't care if we had the money or not.  I would go for days without sleeping.  Some people experience euphoria and extreme creativity, but I didn't.  I would come out of my depression enough to enjoy myself, but  quickly the darkness would return.  I have what is called rapid cycling bipolar type I.
This means that I cycle between mania and depression at least 4 times per year.  For me I cyle much faster than that.  I think I have almost twice that many episodes. It really takes a long time to find the right medicines and the right mix.  For me, it took about 2 years.  I think it is important to mention that for some people, like me, it takes frequent tweaking of meds, and regular counseling for me to stay stable. 

In my next post I will discuss post-traumatic-stress disorder and how it affects me.

First post-diagnosis

My name is Laurie and this is my journey with Bipolar I, PTSD and  GAD.  I have wanted for a long time now an avenue to write of my experiences in the hopes of maybe helping someone else.  First off let me begin by saying that it is extremely important to remember that mental illness is no different than if you have hypertension (high blood presssure) or diabetes.  It is treatable.  I want to dispell some of the myths about mental illness.  I had my first episode  in December 2007, although I can now look back and see that I have suffered since my teens.  I was hospitalized a total of 5 times over the course of 3 months.  It took that long to receive my true diagnosis and be placed on the proper medication.  I was embarassed and ashamed.  I felt like I should be able to handle life's problems on my own without the aid of antidepressants.  It took a doctor that I respected to help me see that Bipolar I,  posttraumatic stress dissorder, and generalized anxiety are all treatable with meds.  I am a nurse so he appealed to my sense of compassion to help me see that there is no difference.  People with blood pressure or cholesterol issues have to take medicine.  Having a mental illness is no different.  I had believed the myth that in all pyschiatric hospitals or wards, you were in padded rooms with a straight jacket. This couldn't be farther from the truth.  In acuality most rooms are kind of like dorm rooms.  Being on these units is not as scary as they first seemed.  I was amazed at how many people were just like me and in the hospital too.  I began to realize that being in the hospital in a psych ward is nothing like what hollywood portrays and is designed to keep you safe.  they provided all toiletries and bedding.  I got to wear my on clothes and get snacks from the vending machine.  Everyday there were a series of "classes" to aid in our recovery.  Knowledge is power and if you understand  what your illness is and how it affects you, it is possible to fully recover.  I am not afraid to be in the hospital now if that is what I need.  I have found though that I don't like how I feel when I am off meds.  Some people go off their meds due to finances, availability of the meds, or they simply prefer how they feel off medications. Many of these people self medicate with drugs, alcohol, food, or self mutilation.  It is critical to stay on the medications even if the meds are not right.  In my next post, I will begin to share more of my journey.  Let me leave you with this thought though.  It is a verse from the Bible.  "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Philipians 4:3